Gratitude isn't Just a Feeling -- It's a Practice

I used to be a gratitude journal hater and I know many people who still are. I didn’t understand how going through a list of things I “should” be grateful for was helpful and on the days where I drew a total blank, I felt like a horrible human. It was not a helpful exercise for me — until I began to practice mindfulness.

This isn’t a blog about mindfulness, so I’ll spare you those details, but one of the benefits of mindfulness is that it allows us to choose our focus. This means that rather than allowing my brain’s attention to wander and be grabbed by whatever comes its way, I can decide to focus on the book I’m reading or what I see around me as I walk. This also means we can choose to focus on things we enjoy, find interesting or awe inspiring instead of the things that worry, concern or bother us. Those negative things are actually considered distractions once we’ve decided our focus is on positive things. This may seem like a simple or obvious concept, but as someone who grew up learning how to spot the negative at Disney Land, this was a bit of a revelation. 

Once I made the choice to spend a couple of minutes every day actively looking for the positive in my life, it was a bit of a game changer. Spoiler alert: that couple of minutes started bleeding out into my everyday life and I began noticing positives when I wasn’t intentionally practicing mindfulness. I often joked with my clients that I could be in the running for the title of Negativity Queen. Yet, mindfulness had me questioning whether I have to give up my crown.

When I meet clients who also excel in the art of negativity, I validate their skill and then get curious. I ask them to consider what life would be like if they shifted our focus a little. I ask if they are willing to try something new that won’t change the amount of negativity in our world or their orbit, but will show them the dialectic that two opposing things can be true at the same time. The world can be heavy and soft. It can be ugly and beautiful. It can be depressing and absolutely hopeful and inspiring. All of that exists. We just need to train our brains to look for the other side as much as we’ve trained it to see and focus on the negative.